October 27-28

       My friend Ashley used to tell me that I should flex my butt muscles if I was falling asleep in class and that would help me stay awake. I've tried that, and coffee, and tea, and gum, flexing as many muscles as possible, daydreaming, etc., but I really think the best solution is actually SLEEP. Even though I can imagine many ways that a 4 hour Shakespeare class could be way worse than mine is, the mid-lecture doze is still a problem. I was totally checking in and out during class yesterday, and the worst part was I was in the front row! I always feel so disrespectful when I do that. In a daze, I headed straight to my bed after class and took a power nap. I managed to pull myself off my bed after only 20 minutes and go for a jog/walk after that which always makes me feel better. That evening, I did a little bit of homework and instead of Bible-study-ing, our group just met up at the leaders' (Gillian and Martin) house and ate. Gill cooked us such a fantastic meal, and there was tons of dessert! We spent the evening stuffing ourselves with (free) goodness and just spending time with each other. I absolutely love evenings like that. They make nights like tonight (I will explain) seem super dumb.
       Before I get to the details of tonight, I'll chronicle the previous parts of the day. I had Performance and Analysis class at 9:30 which was one of the most helpful class sessions I think I've had yet. It's still dense stuff, but I understood almost everything she was explaining! Gotta celebrate those little things. After class, I hit up a practice room to work through music for as long as my stomach would allow me too. Why do I get hungry so fast? Is it because my body actually needs sustenance or is it because my body knows my mind wants an excuse to stop working? Either way, food was again calling me back to the kitchen where I made another killer pizza on ciabatta. (It should be noted that I also have a tupperware of cookies in my room that frequently makes contributions to my body fat index, in addition to all the food I mention normally. When those are gone, it's chocolate bars. This needs to stop). As the carbs were settling into my thighs, I did some more homework and then went for another jog/walk a little while later. I'm gonna take a risk here and say that I think the post work-out euphoria feels just as good as eating a cookie, only I never regret working-out while I often regret overdosing on cookies. After I cleaned up, I practised through some music again and then headed to Messiah rehearsal.
       Yes, I'm talking about Handel's Messiah. Apparently, I'm required to participate in the choir that is performing The Messiah at the beginning of December. How can I describe that 2 hour rehearsal. . . ? Grueling, challenging, fascinating, tiring, i.e. vocal and sight-reading bootcamp. My throat hurt afterwards. Thankfully, I was sitting next to a girl who knew what she was doing so I just tried to sing whatever she was singing. There were only about 9 of us in this "choir" that is supposed to be about 5 times bigger than that. They're still working out those details, ha. It's really weird for me to be labeled as a soprano. Technically, I am a soprano, but I've never identified with that voice type before. Sopranos are those full-fledged vocalists, the dainty flowers, the leading ladies, the ones with the major chops. I don't feel like any of those things. It's almost as if I'm a stand-in for some else's life when I'm in music class or rehearsal over here. It kind of feels like I'm in Glenda the Good Witch's floating bubble of happiness but there's always the fear that someone's dog is gonna bite that bubble (like dogs do) and consume my dream. This sounds like an identity crisis, doesn't it? Weird . . . I'll have to sort through that.
       Moving on. So here's the story of tonight that I mentioned earlier. My neighbors had been trying to get me to go to this Halloween party on campus tonight, but I've been hesitant. I've kind of created a "party-pooper" persona for myself around here which I'm actually fine with. Still, I've made some good friends and I thought I would give this party a shot so we could just hang together. I didn't have a costume because I'm really not into dressing up, so I borrowed and supplemented an outfit from my neighbor, Alayna. I almost called the whole thing off, but I decided to play along (I didn't play along with the getting drunk part). We went to the party which was very much like the one I went to my first week here that I think I mentioned before except there were interesting costumes to look at this time. I keep thinking" I'm gonna have a revelation sometime and magically know the allure this scene offers," but I still don't understand it AT ALL. All the flashing lights, alcohol, dirty dancing, slippery alcohol-coated floor, loud music from meagerly-talented artists, and incessant picture taking just does not appeal to me. I got a cup of water for 2 reasons: 1) So the people I was with would stop bothering me about having a drink, and 2) So I wouldn't have to dance as much because one hand was occupied and I didn't want to spill my water by moving too much. I've mentioned to a number of people before that I think making funny faces in pictures is way more exciting than just smiling. So, after picture #30 of us just smiling in different groups/poses, I started making goofy faces. Consider it a silent rebellion against the "I'm-cooler-than-you-because-I-have-hot-party-pictures" persona of those who feed into mass-media notions of "living the life" and don't know the life that Jesus offers. Ok, that's a bit harsh. Afterall, I DID go to the party so I guess you could say I gave into peer pressure and that mass-media image of what college students do.Also, I think it's partly my responsibility to let my friends know about the true life Jesus offers. Oh dear, I've opened a huge can of worms.
       I left the party after 1.5 hours, and even that was too long a stay. I hope I never get ropped into clubbing again. It's just not my scene. To sum up, I would take dinner with my Bible study friends over clubbing any night.

Oh, btw, I had my first plate of fish and chips today, and it was delicious! I don't even want to know how many carbs were in it though.

Also, I think I've contradicted myself in this post in my attempts to be philosophical. Feel free to challenge my comments. I'm too tired to edit them anymore.